Killing someone with kindness

The Value of Taming Your Tongue
by Andy Horner

Not long ago, I received a rude email regarding a typo in an article I had written to customers. The reader wrote me anonymously with this message: "Read your piece. Suggest you learn to spell."

My natural reaction was to fire back a nasty retort. Instead, I responded with this: "I reread it twise adn did'nt see a syngle mispeled word. Thansk, thow!" Most likely, the reader had been looking to pick a fight. Instead, he was disarmed, slightly amused, and surprised at the grace afforded him. It was difficult to hold my tongue, but in doing so I kept a reader and my self-respect.

How do you respond to rude customers? Do you give them a piece of your mind? Or do you control your emotions, exhibit poise, and keep your goals in mind?

When you're attacked unjustly, it's natural to react defensively or jab back. Be careful! Meeting ugliness with ugliness may feel good in the moment, but it won't help you accomplish your long-term goals to build relationships, make sales, and grow your wealth. Learning to tame your tongue pays big dividends.

Here are six tips to guide you the next time you want to deep six someone with a well-deserved tongue-lashing:

Use your wit to disarm. Most often, rude customers are just having a bad day. Use humor to break the tension, but avoid sarcasm. A lighter, more creative approach often provides you the satisfaction you're after while revealing to the customer their mean-spiritedness.
Once on an elevator, a belligerent punk muttered insults to his girlfriend about my not taking the stairs to the second floor. Instead of giving him "what for," I waited until the doors opened, and limped off. My feigned injury worked. Before the doors closed, I heard the girlfriend whack the guy and declare him a "stupid jerk." It was beautiful!

Wait half a day to respond. If you're unable to compose yourself, take a little time before you write back. If you receive an ill-mannered message in the morning, wait until after lunch. If it arrives in the afternoon, give it until the next morning. With your emotions settled, you'll find it far easier to reply objectively.

Get advice. Before you respond, you may benefit from an outside perspective. Grab someone in the office to vent a little and ask, "how would you respond?"

Offer a solution. Defending yourself only escalates the argument. Over-apologizing offers the customer an opportunity to take advantage of you. Respond the way you would with a child by bringing the conversation up a level. Try this. Simply say, "I'm sorry." Then offer a solution rather than asking a silly question like, "Why did this make you so upset?" or "What would you like me to do?" Questions like these are typically met with heightened irritation.

Always get it in writing, but never put it in writing. If you feel the need to confront the offender, ask for them to email you details about the meaning of their message. This will provide proof when they deny their own words or say you misunderstood. But never write a long response back. They could use your words for the same purpose. Always call or make an in-person visit to resolve a confrontation.

Follow up with a greeting. Once you've "made nice" with your customer, send an email greeting or printed greeting card to show that all is forgiven. When you weather an initial spark of adversity by "killing someone with kindness," your customer's connection with you can actually grow stronger and translate to sales.